Just Uraraka
by nushiewrites
Summary: Uraraka opened her journal. Some days she wrote in it, some days she didn’t, but it was consistently being filled up. She picked up her pen, and began to write, but this time it was a topic she was certain she’d never talk about to anyone. Ever. For whoever happens to find this, I… haven’t been feeling like myself lately. I mean, I’m still the plain old Ochako, but Ochako doesn’t


**_Author's Note: Hello! Welcome to my first ever fanfiction published on this site, which I wrote last January. I hope you enjoy it!_**

Uraraka opened her journal. Some days she wrote in it, some days she didn't, but it was consistently being filled up since she started at UA last spring, and now it was around half way full. It was mostly filled up with tales of school and the villains, ranging from the _Exit_ _Sign_ _Iida_ joke on the second day, to the sheer terror of the summer camp. At least the students were under constant protection now that they moved into the dorms. Uraraka sighed at her musings, picked up her pen, and began to write; but this time, she wrote about a topic she was certain she'd never talk about to anyone. Ever.

 _For whoever happens to find this,_

 _I… haven't been feeling like myself lately. I mean, I'm still the plain old Ochako, but Ochako doesn't sit right. To be honest, it… never really did. It means "tea girl" and the whole girl part doesn't sit right with me. I just kinda… ignored it… for the past few years… went along with what I'm supposed to be: a girl. Ugh! This is so frustrating! I don't even know what I am, if I'm trans or nonbinary or what, and here I am venting about it!_

Uraraka sighed, set down her pen and rubbed her forehead. She knew this was going to be a tough one to write, but she never realized just how tough.

 _I'll continue this entry later, for now I'll just keep being me?_

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

What Uraraka didn't realize, however, is that it's hard to be you when you have this constant identity crisis looming over your head that pervases into so much of your life.

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Time for hero class. Time for putting on that skintight pink bodysuit. Not that there was anything wrong with the color pink, in fact, it was her favorite color. But it was so _girly_. She cursed that word. _Girly_. What did that even mean? That she had to do certain things to be a girl? That if she wasn't a girl, doing a _girly_ thing would prove to others that she was a girl? Why, oh, why did the world have stupid gender roles?

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Okay for 1-A's and 1-B's joint lesson, we're going to have a competition. Girls versus boys."

 _Damnit_. Uraraka huffed as she seperated herself from the boys, and moved over to where all the girls were congregating.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Uraraka threw herself on her bed after a long day of class. She groaned as she cover her face with her hands.

 _She._

 _Her._

 _Girl._

 _Ugh!_

Why did she have to go in the girls locker room? Why would she be seen as a girl? Why couldn't people just see her as _Uraraka_ and nothing else? Why was she cursed with such an abnormality? This was, like, so freaking hard!

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Uraraka stared intently at the mirror, examining every part of her reflection.

"Giiiirl…," she enunciated slowly, pointing to herself. She squinted her eyes, and shook her head.

"Boooyy…," she said. She closed her eyes and imagined herself with short hair, a stronger jawline, broad shoulders, no breasts, and every other masculine characteristic. She opened her eyes and huffed as she left the bathroom. Nothing was right. How frustrating.

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Uraraka somehow got snared into a girls night at the dorm. Everytime someone said _girls_ , Uraraka cringed internally, but didn't let it show.

"Ochako-hon, you're so cute!" Hagakure giggled, as the invisible girl watched Uraraka played with a stuffed bunny. A small blush crept up on Uraraka's face.

"I-I'm not _that_ cute…," Uraraka mumbled, wanting to deflect the _girly_ comment aimed at her.

"Oh, girl, don't put yourself down like that. You're adorable!" Ashido proclaimed loudly. Uraraka laughed nervously, trying to act like nothing was bothering her.

"It's true, you're totally the girliest one of us all. I'm just kinda punk," Jirou added, inspecting the lavender polish she had just painted on Yaoyorozu's nails. Uraraka tugged on a loose strand of her hair.

"I guess I am then…," Uraraka said resolutely, finally giving in. Later that night when the rest of the girls were asleep, Uraraka stared at the dark ceiling in contemplation. _There must be something wrong with me_ , she thought. _I wouldn't be thinking this way if there wasn't… everyone else has such a clear cut definition of me..._

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Are guys, like, short generally?" Uraraka asked, scared of the answer. If… if she way a boy in the end, then wouldn't it be pretty bad for her to not look like the average guy?

"Well yeah, just look at Mineta," Midoriya said sarcastically. Uraraka gave him a death glare, and threw a pillow at him.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Uraraka looked at herself in her dorms mirror. She stared intently at her reflection willing it to change. Willing her chest to change. For it to be flatter, opposite of the wishes of the usual teenage girl. She laughed a sigh and mumbled to herself, "Kyoka-chan would love to have breasts like mine; what am I doing?"

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

Uraraka scratched at her skin. Her skin. Was it even her skin? Or was it his skin? Or their skin? Why couldn't she just decide on a gender? Uraraka brought her/his/their hand up to her/his/their hair and pulled at it as tears spilled from her eyes. Why couldn't she/he/they just be normal?

It was the middle of the freaking night and this is what Uraraka was doing! Panicking over something as arbitrary as gender! How absurd! Why did Uraraka have to be cursed with being so weird and different and strange?

Uraraka gasped for air and clawed at Uraraka's chest, desperate for air. What was happening to Uraraka? Oh goodness, was Uraraka dying?

Uraraka's eyes widened in fear as that thought was listened to. More tears spilled, and a sob was let out. All this because Uraraka wasn't a freaking girl or a freaking boy! Uraraka was just Uraraka and that's all that mattered! Why did Uraraka have to be either!

 _No choosing. Choosing is bad. Very bad. Don't do it. Can't choose. Can't be either. I'm not either. I'm neither. I'm neither. I'm… I'm they?_

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

 **Google:** how do you know for sure if you're nonbinary

 **Google:** how do you know you arent just faking being nonbinary

 **Google:** is nonbinary even real??

 **Google:** why don't people think nonbinary is real??

Uraraka tapped her- _their_ phone screen absentmindedly.

 _Ochako wouldn't be my name, then. At least I have Uraraka… But there eventually has to be something different, and it's not like I ever liked 'Ochako.'_

 **Google:** how do i change my name nonbinary

 ** _First result: https/transnameswap._**

Uraraka scrolled through the tumblr blog looking for something to choose. She- _they_ didn't even know how she'd- _they'd_ know how a name sounded. She- _they_ didn't even know if she- _they_ would like they/them out loud.

 _ **Anonymous asked:** how do I know if my name/pronouns are right? Any advice?_

 _ **Answer:** ah! That's always tough. I recommend the pronoun dressing room! It helps you test out pronouns and names._

Uraraka clicked the link to the pronoun dressing room and spent longer than she- _they_ would like to admit testing out names, and smiling with joy everytime she- _they_ would read the auto-generated messages referring to her- _them_ as they.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

One thing was for sure: no matter how much it pained Uraraka, she- _they_ was never coming out. People might not believe her- _them_! And if it was taking this long for her- _them_ to get used to her- _their_ own pronouns, imagine how inconvenient it would be for literally anyone else.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Uraraka paced around h- their room. She- _they_ couldn't take it anymore. Someone had to know. Being a girl constantly was exhausting. It's like s- they were a secret agent, and they had to keep her _girly_ persona up. Well, they might as well be like she- _they_ always were and just be blunt. Rip it off like a bandaid. What could go wrong?

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

So many chances. S- They has had so many chances to do come out. In class. Out of class. In the middle of the night on 1-A's group chat. But she didn't do it. They never did. It was terrifying. It had to be done, but fear would drizzle down their spine everytime the chance came. S- They would open their mouth to say it, and nothing came out. She was pitifully stuck in the closet.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Hey, Ochako-hon, do you know how to do the derivative in number six on page 239?" Tsuyu asked as the two friends studied for their upcoming math test.

 _Now or never, Uraraka. Now or never._

"Ts-Tsuyu-hon, can you please use Uraraka for me instead?" they asked softly with hesitance.

"Oh my goodness, did I do something wrong? I never meant to hurt you. We're still friends right?!" Tsuyu asked, eyes wide.

"Yes! Yes of course we're friends, I didn't mean it like that! I just meant… I don't really like the name 'Ochako' too much," they said, laughing from their mistake with the whole name deal. Tsuyu put a hand over her heart and sighed.

"Don't scare me like that again, Uraraka-hon," Tsuyu said, lightly elbowing Uraraka.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Um, sensei, before class starts can I make an announcement? It's kinda important…," Uraraka asked Aizawa, standing on their tiptoes to be able to make some semblance of eye contact with their teacher.

"It better be. Go ahead," Aizawa replied dryly.

Uraraka stood in front of the podium at the front of the classroom, as their peers looked at them with curiosity. They rubbed the back of their neck and nervously chuckled.

"So, um, I just wanted to tell you guys that, uh," their gaze turned to the floor instead of meeting that of their 20 peers, "I'm not exactly a girl. N-Nor am I a boy. I'm, um, neither?" they said, voice squeaking. Their proclamation ended up sounding more like a question rather than a statement. "I mean, like, I wanna use they/them pronouns. And, um, I don't want the name Ochako. U-Uraraka is better. Okay that's it," they finished, quickly moving to their seat and putting their head down. Unfortunately, they couldn't fully avoid the curiosity eminating from their classmates. Lunch was their foil.

"So how'd you know?"

"I don't mean to be rude, but I don't really understand? Could you explain it so I can?"

"But isn't they plural?"

"What honorifics should I use?"

"So, why do you still wear a skirt and not the boy's uniform?"

Uraraka's first reaction to these questions were hostile. Why should they have to explain themself? Why should they have to be the nonbinary spokesperson? But they soon realized that the intent wasn't hostile. The other students were not trying to tell them that they weren't nonbinary. They were genuinely curious and wanted to learn. So they took the time to answer each and every one of the questions thrown at them that they could. And it turns out, it felt really good. Being able to talk about it was so good.

Coming out like that also brought up some things they didn't have a solution for. What dorm side should they be on? What bathroom should they use? What locker room should they use? Seeing how binary UA was, this called for a meeting with the mastermind Nedzu.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 _For whoever happens to find this,_

 _It's been about seven months since I wrote my first entry on my gender. There was a lot of denial, for, like, the first 5 months. And then I got anxious and figured it out. I'm nonbinary. And I've accepted it. And while I decided to stay on the girls side of the dorms since all my stuff is already set up there, Principal Nedzu, being as great as he is, actually created a gender neutral dressing room and bathroom. And it turns out I'm not the only one using those facilities. Shinsou-kun from the sports festival does it too, and so do some other 2nd and 3rd years I don't know. It's really great not being alone. It's really great hearing the right pronouns. Gosh, everything is so great. I… still have a long way to go. There's still details to figure out. But for now, I'm happy. I am so happy._

 _Uraraka Naomi_


End file.
